Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize