she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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