kristin has been a bad kristin
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
