guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
