and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
