i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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