I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
