is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
