remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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