i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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