70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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