you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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