Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
