i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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