everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
