He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
