I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
