I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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