actually, I'm a sock model
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
