I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
