I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
