At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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