you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize