More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
