and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
did i just pee glitter
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
