Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
