you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
