You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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