I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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