he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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