Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
