Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
