decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
