And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
