haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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