I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dignity is for republicans.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
