hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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