As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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