weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
