dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
