I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
