i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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