he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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