We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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