That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
