You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
