I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
