I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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