i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
