A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
