No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize