my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
