She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
