so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
