Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You're like the curious george of whores
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
