Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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