last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
