How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
