If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
