They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
