I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
