you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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