hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
